My Child,
As the holiday season quickly approaches, I think of you more and more often. This should be your first Christmas, little one, but your life ended almost before I knew it had begun. I wonder about you. I wonder what color your eyes would be, hazel like mine or brown like your daddy's. Would you have his dimples and cleft chin? By now, I would know you. I would have counted your fingers and toes a million times. You would be smiling and cooing and searching for my voice. I would know each cry and the message it carried. I would know your sweet scent and would have kissed you and cuddled you and comforted you. You would fit perfectly into the crock of my arm.Your little fingers would curl tight 'round mine. By now our schedules would be rythmic--yours and mine. I would be watching you grow and marveling at the miracle of life.
I will never know your name or gender. I will never know the color of your eyes or hair. I will never watch you grow, play, or learn. I will never hear your sweet voice call to me. I will never teach you to cook and read and play the piano. I will never make you birthday cakes or halloween costumes. I will never know the wonderful woman or man that you would have become. But I love you still. The moment I knew of your existance, I began to love you. And I will love you til my end. My baby, you will always be in my heart.
~Your Mommy
17 December 2009
06 December 2009
Until They All Come Home
I have decided that I have love/hate feelings for the military. (Disclaimer: I am speaking of military LIFE and NOT of support for them which I always have whole-heartedly done.) I really hate separation. REALLY, REALLY HATE IT!!!!! And policies that people just think up. And lines. And waiting to wait in line. And waiting to wait to wait in line.....we wait in LOTS of lines. ;o) Oh, and did I mention separation??? Really hate that! Especially during the holidays. But enough of that.
What I love:
I love being a part of the military family (even though I've had to build my own since we technically don't exist here, hate that too.) We step in where needed because there probably isn't anyone else to. A friend of mine had a baby about 2 1/2 weeks ago--a week before her husband came home from deployment and 3 weeks before her due date (R&R strikes again.) I got a 5 a.m. phone call from her asking if she could bring her other 2 kids by while another friend took her to the hospital on post to wait in line to be seen. Around 9 I took ALL the kids and headed up there. I ended up running back and forth between the extremely small waiting room which was chock full of our kids (whoever invented portable DVD players was a GENIUS!!!!!) and the labor room to coach her on breathing. That evening another milspouse whom I hadn't ever met before, brought us dinner to the hospital. Homemade chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn--it was delish!!! At the end of the very long day, I looked back over it all and thought about 4 women, one was a stranger to me, another I had only met a few times. But we pulled together to get a mutual friend through a difficult day, and we got to witness a miracle. I wouldn't have been a part of that if I wasn't part of the military community. And that's what I love.
I posted a status update on FB listing my running around that day. Several people commented that it was a nice thing for me to do, etc. etc. That got me to thinking about why I do things like that. Yes, I love helping my friends. Yes, I have a Christian obligation and love being a working part of the body. But I realized another reason. It's part of my duty as a milspouse. If we don't do our part at home, then our guys can't do their job where ever they are. So I help coach during labor, I go to the doctor for test results, I keep a stranger's kids during surgery, I attend welcome home ceremonies for other people's husbands, I hang banners, I run errands, I lend a shoulder, I cry and laugh and grit my teeth to get through it, because that's MY duty. Until all our guys come home.....
What I love:
I love being a part of the military family (even though I've had to build my own since we technically don't exist here, hate that too.) We step in where needed because there probably isn't anyone else to. A friend of mine had a baby about 2 1/2 weeks ago--a week before her husband came home from deployment and 3 weeks before her due date (R&R strikes again.) I got a 5 a.m. phone call from her asking if she could bring her other 2 kids by while another friend took her to the hospital on post to wait in line to be seen. Around 9 I took ALL the kids and headed up there. I ended up running back and forth between the extremely small waiting room which was chock full of our kids (whoever invented portable DVD players was a GENIUS!!!!!) and the labor room to coach her on breathing. That evening another milspouse whom I hadn't ever met before, brought us dinner to the hospital. Homemade chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn--it was delish!!! At the end of the very long day, I looked back over it all and thought about 4 women, one was a stranger to me, another I had only met a few times. But we pulled together to get a mutual friend through a difficult day, and we got to witness a miracle. I wouldn't have been a part of that if I wasn't part of the military community. And that's what I love.
I posted a status update on FB listing my running around that day. Several people commented that it was a nice thing for me to do, etc. etc. That got me to thinking about why I do things like that. Yes, I love helping my friends. Yes, I have a Christian obligation and love being a working part of the body. But I realized another reason. It's part of my duty as a milspouse. If we don't do our part at home, then our guys can't do their job where ever they are. So I help coach during labor, I go to the doctor for test results, I keep a stranger's kids during surgery, I attend welcome home ceremonies for other people's husbands, I hang banners, I run errands, I lend a shoulder, I cry and laugh and grit my teeth to get through it, because that's MY duty. Until all our guys come home.....
05 December 2009
'Tis the Season to....Give
Help support Compassion International (80% of funds go directly to missions!!!!!) and you could win a mini vacation to Red River, NM compliments of Kingdom Twindom.
02 December 2009
Pennies From Heaven
I really am about to burst with the news of yesterday's events, but it took me a while to work out all my thoughts. God blessed us yesterday (well, everyday, but I'm going to tell you about the big news.) First, Justice Seeker had NO cavities! And then my mom got a new(er) van. Ok, my mom getting a new van when I'm without a vehicle doesn't sound like a blessing for me, BUT they gave me their old van for Christmas!!!
Now, to explain about all the vehicle troubles. It actually started over a year and a half ago--April 18 to be exact. I was rear-ended while sitting at a stop light, and it totaled my van. (That word "totaled" looks really weird to me. huh) I borrowed money to buy another one which I HATE to do, same year but different make/model/options (not as many as the other one, but it ran and I could kinda afford it.) The insurance company FINALLY paid a year and a half later after I fought with them over the condition of the van. They said the engine was in bad shape, and I said that it wasn't because my husband is a mechanic and worked on it himself. They said they wanted receipts, I told them to come look at my garage and 40 ft storage container with all my husband's automotive parts in it. I also told them that he's trained by the Air Force and since they're the best, (sorry Kingdom Mama!) he definately knows what he's doing and is certified.....and on and on. I finally settled for MUCH less than what should have been paid but enough to pay the loan.
ANYWAY.... In January, the (newer, but definately NOT new) van broke down (and for the life of my I can't remember what was wrong with it,) and it needed new tires. Then in June, the heads cracked (no, I don't know what that is, I'm just telling you what I was told.) And then a few weeks back the check engine light came on, and it sounded like something was going to fall out from under the car. I don't really know if that's possible, but I sure didn't want to find out. (And Dimples, if you're reading this, you do NOT have to call to explain all of the fine points of this to me. I won't remember anyway--not by choice, but seriously, it's like a foreign language to me.)
Back to the vehicles..... There is also in my possession ahorribly, huge, ugly, and dirty a rather large double-cab dually. You know the old adage about the cobbler's son? Well, the same principle applies to mechanic's vehicles. As long as it runs well.....except the dually doesn't exactly do that either. We got some tires changed out on the big thing (thanks to Fearless Leader) and the batteries charged up so it would start (thaks to Fearless Leader) but it wouldn't hold a charge (by no fault of Fearless Leader.) So we (ok actually it was Fearless Leader, I just helped pull up some belt thingy for him) changed the altenator then got the battery changed. (Did you know some big enormous trucks have two (!!!!) batteries???) But PTL the one that needed changing was the one still under warranty! I was driving around the huge monstrosity until it started dying when I would slow down, and thus left me vehicleless which brings my story full circle.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU God for wonderful parents who helped fill a need! And as soon as I figure out how to publish pics in the blog, I'll show you my beautiful new van. Maybe I should have titled this "Vehicles From Heaven."
And BTW, if you're curious, Fearless Leader is 14. :o)
Now, to explain about all the vehicle troubles. It actually started over a year and a half ago--April 18 to be exact. I was rear-ended while sitting at a stop light, and it totaled my van. (That word "totaled" looks really weird to me. huh) I borrowed money to buy another one which I HATE to do, same year but different make/model/options (not as many as the other one, but it ran and I could kinda afford it.) The insurance company FINALLY paid a year and a half later after I fought with them over the condition of the van. They said the engine was in bad shape, and I said that it wasn't because my husband is a mechanic and worked on it himself. They said they wanted receipts, I told them to come look at my garage and 40 ft storage container with all my husband's automotive parts in it. I also told them that he's trained by the Air Force and since they're the best, (sorry Kingdom Mama!) he definately knows what he's doing and is certified.....and on and on. I finally settled for MUCH less than what should have been paid but enough to pay the loan.
ANYWAY.... In January, the (newer, but definately NOT new) van broke down (and for the life of my I can't remember what was wrong with it,) and it needed new tires. Then in June, the heads cracked (no, I don't know what that is, I'm just telling you what I was told.) And then a few weeks back the check engine light came on, and it sounded like something was going to fall out from under the car. I don't really know if that's possible, but I sure didn't want to find out. (And Dimples, if you're reading this, you do NOT have to call to explain all of the fine points of this to me. I won't remember anyway--not by choice, but seriously, it's like a foreign language to me.)
Back to the vehicles..... There is also in my possession a
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU God for wonderful parents who helped fill a need! And as soon as I figure out how to publish pics in the blog, I'll show you my beautiful new van. Maybe I should have titled this "Vehicles From Heaven."
And BTW, if you're curious, Fearless Leader is 14. :o)
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