Ok, where was I...oh, yes...let me back up a minute and give a briefing on what happened. Basically, he was told he had 17 days to pack, outprocess, and retire from his military career. So as of 4 March 2010, we are no longer military. (*whew* it still feels like a dream)
Now about our "new" journey together. We quickly married in Oct 2007 when Dimples found out he was going to be stationed in Germany. Since we were *supposed* to leave in January, I didn't see any point in moving from my three bedroom apartment to his two bedroom house. It wasn't that big of a deal at that time. He stayed the night at the apartment, went to work before I got up, worked on packing up his house until late then came back to the apartment. He ended up extending until May but then finally had to go on without us. The whole point of telling this is to show that we never have exactly *lived* together. Until March that is.
I kinda feel bad for Dimples. I really can't imagine how hard it is. His entire life has made such a dramatic change in the last few months. The military is all he's known--16 years of service. He's never been married before, nor had children. But I have to say, he's been a trooper. I'm so proud of him for jumping in and making the best of things.
Marriage is a great, big compromise.
1) Boost his ego every day. I really try hard to remember to tell him things that make him feel good about himself as a man, husband, and father. "I'm proud of you." "I appreciate you." "You're the best _______ I know." (of course, I try to fill in the blank with something good.) and my fav "You're my perfect man." Because he really is. He's perfect for me!
2) Fight fair. I don't bring up the past.
3) Tell him my expectations. I don't expect him to read my mind. I tell him, in plain English, what I want him to do. (Which doesn't mean he always listens, but...)
4) Give him space. This sometimes is very difficult for me. My love language is affection. If you're not sure what love languages are check out these sites.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp
My hubby's been gone for 2 years. It's really hard to get affection over the phone. So I want him next to me all the time. (And I have to say, he frequently is.) But he does get to working on stuff outside and won't come in for days. (Well, ok actually he tends to come in very late--or early depending on your perspective. After a few days of not really seeing him, I can be a little grouchy.) I have to remind myself that he still needs some space.
5) Let him be the boss. This is so tough for me. I could blame it on being a simgle mom, or the seperation, or, or, or...but the truth is I do like to be in control. I like making most of the decisions, sometimes out of habit, but sometimes out of rebellion. I am getting better about it. I think...
I might have some other rules for myself, but these are the ones that I've come up with so far. Funny, when I started this blog, this wasn't the direction I thought I was taking it. Hummm, maybe this is just what someone needed though. So, go love your spouse well.
